Solo quattro ore di più in questa casa...

You know that feeling when you're about to leave for a big trip and you think you left something important behind even though you know you grabbed everything?

Imagine that the thing you left behind is all of Italy. My bags feel too empty for this. Mom, can I have five more minutes? I'm not ready.

A domani

Tomorrow is my last day in Florence.

I have no idea when this happened, but now that it's here, I think I'm ready. I had such a difficult time becoming comfortable here, something my pride kept me from admitting for a while, but it was extremely hard. I didn't realize how long it had been since I was the "new kid", even though here we all were. It doesn't get any easier. That's the first thing I learned here: It's okay to suck at being the new kid.

Things got better though. I remembered how to make new friends. I went on trips and learned new things and saw the most amazing art, and I was finally happy here. It might have taken me two weeks, but I still had four weeks to make the most of it, and I'd like to think that I did. There were still times that I felt confused and unaccepted and pushed aside, but then I remember what I decided a long time ago: It's okay to not give a fuck what people think about you.

People told me I would "find myself" here, and I don't really think that's true. I found out a lot about myself, but it's nothing that wasn't there before. In order to find myself here I had to be lost in the first place, and I'd like to think I wasn't; but I still learned so very much about who I am and what I want out of life and the kind of people I want to keep share my life with. I learned about the world I live in and the country I'm from and how much it actually is a wonderful place to live and grow up. In light of how negative the world view of America has become in the last few years, I forgot why people initially loved it so much, and still do. I remembered that here.

I have about two pages to finish for my research paper, which went more smoothly than I thought it would, and then I have to finish studying for art history. I have that exam tomorrow morning and then I'm going to spend the day trying to squeeze in as much as possible. There's so much I didn't get to do here, and on the one hand it's frustrating, but on the other hand it leaves me more to do if, and when, i come back.

I'm ready for home, though. Calling a cab Wednesday morning is going to be so strange. I finished packing yesterday (kudos for my military parents for teaching me the art of packing well) and it's weird to see everything in my suitcase again. I'm going to have a hectic day of traveling, and I'm NOT looking forward to going through customs in Chicago. I've told myself in advance that I don't care if my luggage gets lost. I don't care if I miss a flight. I'm just going to deal with it as it comes and let everything work itself out. If I can do that in a foreign country I can sure as hell do that while traveling.

One day and a wake up. Here we go!

Athena